


Hang the Dirk

by orphan_account



Category: Black Mirror, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: A Black Mirror Crossover, A confused and still very much holistic Dirk Gently, AU, BlackWing Inc., Episode: s04e04 Hang the DJ, Escape the system, Hackers Todd & Amanda, M/M, Millionare Riggins, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Some violence?, Ten thousand dollars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 19:54:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14315997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Todd and Amanda Brotzman come from a long line of hackers. Unfortunately, they didn't end up filthy rich and known for being elite despite picking up everything they've learnt from their ancestors.Riggins is a millionare searching for his 'son' Svlad. Things like him escaping are dangerous.Dirk Gently has encrypted himself into a dating system. The swiftist way to find out where he is would be to hack the system, and force-match someone with Dirk in code. Amanda would do it, buuuut... pararibulitis and all. And besides, the machine doesn't allow other items from the real world like an XL 150 MG of Promadivan.





	1. 01110100 01100101 01101110  etc.

 

01110100 01100101 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01110011 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101100 01101100 01100001 01110010 01110011 00001010

 

"Money goes like a rabbit, and comes like a turtle."

\- unknown

 

He got the phone call on Sunday afternoon. 

"Yo." Amanda slapped the envelope down beside his desk. "Rent's due." Todd didn't even want to look at it. He sighed and cracked his neck, then turned back to the computer. His eyes were suffering. Amanda lent him her yellow glasses until he could find time to install software for it.

"We can pay it off...right?" Todd stopped typing and swivelled around in his chair. He grimaced, "I don't know..." and with that Amanda left the room with a huff. He'd been scrolling through jobs after jobs and nothing seemed to be suited for him or Amanda. They used to be okay with mom and dad around, but now the whole situation was shitty. Amanda's pararibulitis was worsening and everytime anything needing cash was due, and oh, they were tied up in some pretty nasty connections still thanks to the trail of destruction left by their parents, and Amanda would get small, short bursts of a panic attack. If one thing he learnt from being a quiet, off the grid anti-social, was that there's nothing more brain crushing than being helpless.

And it was a helpless situation most of the time for them. He was grateful for Amanda though, if she hadn't stuck around he might've fallen even deeper. And they didn't wanna fall all the way down. Not ever, no matter how close they are to doing exactly that by the crap financial situation. Well, it was long enough before their parent's will ran out. 

And then somewhere around one hour later slaving away at his desk still on the hunt for a sustainable job, he hears the phone ringing down the hall.

"Amanda! Can you get the phone?" No response. "Amanda!"

He sighed and reluctantly slid out of his place and shuffled outside. He stumbled through the hallway, feeling the crumbling walls for the phone. There was only one source of light and it was radiating from the glow in the dark paint in Amanda's room.

His knuckles bumped against the plastic and considered just picking it up and putting it straight back down on the hook switch. He held the phone to his right ear. "Hello?" It was a man on the other end. His voice was raspy-ish and Todd kept fighting the urge to tell him to clear his throat. "Is this the Brotzman household?" He said. "h-how did you kn-" 

"You guys are famous! Well, your ancestors were anyway. Your parents were very helpful in regards to BlackWing Inc. Cleared that heist like wiping cinnamon off a tabletop."

"Uh...okay? Wait. BlackWing? Are you-"

"Mr Scott Riggins. I'm the manager. I've recently lost a very important client, you could say. I know you're short of cash, so..." 

"How did you know-" 

"I need you to hack into M.E.Match.CO."

Todd raised his eyebrows, his mouth slightly parted in surprise. "It's a dating app, it's, um...it's the last place Sv- client was found. He's in the app. In code. I need you to find him in it."

"What- a dating app?... Y-you want me to hack into a dating app...and I'm assuming find a person in the code? H-how does this work, I don't understan-" 

"I'll send you the full details later. That is only if you're on board, of course." 

"Bu-" 

"I'll start with ten thousand dollars. That should be able to pay off everything, right?" 

 


	2. 01001001 01100011 01100001 etc.

 

01001001 01100011 01100001 01110010 01110101 01110011 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01110111 01101110 00100000

 

"Money goes like a turtle, and comes like a rabbit."

 

"T-ten thousand dollars?" 

"Yes."

_I could fix everything. I could fix everything that ever screwed me and Amanda over._

_It’s ten thousand dollars._

 

"Okay...okay. I'm on board." 

"You are? Because you don't sound very sure." 

"I'm sure. Send me the details via the email I'm sending you." He hung the phone back on the handset. And then he leaned against the wall, rubbing his face with his hands and started thinking about what situation did he get himself exactly into. A dating app? Seriously? Oh boy, Amanda was gonna love this. She never dated before. Ever. And now she was getting shoved into some _code simulation._ This was insane. In fact, this may be the biggest gig they've ever had to pull off. Todd strode back to his room and found his phone on the couch. He scooped it up and sent the email. Moments later, he got one back. 

 

**M.E.MATCH.CO - CONFIDENTIAL**

Scott Riggins <deputymanager@blackwing.inc>

 

M.E.Match.Co was created by a couple, Edna Darwin and Mike Crass. Refer to the initials (M.E)

In the real world, it's a simple dating app, but every match percentage is predicted by 'cookies' code simulations of you based off your social media plus everything basically stored on your phone. It acts the same way as you would thus predicting the outcome of you and said other code partner. Instructions further listed bellow. 

1\. Hack into the system. A 15 digit password is needed. The password is encrypted into every Match.Co worker's hippocampus. The only way to retrieve the data is to unfortunately put them down and extract with the Tucker device. You've heard of it, I'm sure. 

2\. Once you've passed, the system will register you as a worker. The other Brotzman who is not going in needs to create an account using the other Brotzman’s information. 

3\. The programmed coach will match you with Svlad Cjelli. His profile can be found and I'll send you any other extra details you need to know about him. I have paid off a 'coach' device as a walkie-talkie thing. Coded to your account in advance, of course. 

4\. On the final day (where you will be paired up with Svlad no matter what happens) you will match in real life. This only takes three days in real life. 

5\. Get his GPS signal and go get him. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Hell, this was complicated. Todd started to wonder if this was even worth it. Of course it was, it's ten thousand on the table! But will Amanda be able to do all of that? Without her pills? There was only one way to find out. 

"TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS? Holy sHIT, dude, we’re rICH! Who the heck even is this guy, wait, don’t tell me, BlackWing hooked us up with a gig. They always did for mom and dad, I mean-" 

"You.....should probably read the instructions." Todd opened the link on his laptop. The bright screen beamed over her face, her dark eyes intently scanned over the screen briefly. "Oh, we gotta kill somebody." Her voice quivered slightly, it happens before a bad hunch. A shaken sort of nervous voice. "What?!"

"Todd, can you read? It says right there in step one, 'put them down' I’m assuming means kill. Right? O-or knocking them out. It’s death or risky brain damage..." 

"No no no no no, we are NOT killing anyone, we don’t have experience and we have never been responsible for a death on a gig before. No way, mnm, no way are we going to kill someone."

"Not even for ten thousand dollars?" She sighed. Amanda tilted her head. She chewed the inside of her mouth in tiring  consideration. "Well.....mom and dad... used to always come home, and have...stuff on their hands. Mom and dad sometimes had to kill people. Everyone in our family who was a hacker has killed someone before on a gig. That’s why they’re _elites._ So, even if we are, starting small, it should be impressive enough... to raise the price. Right...?" 

Todd shook his head and planted his hands on his face and just let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been compressing. "Is it worth it?" He asked in a small voice. Amanda shrugged. "I dunno. Must be pretty serious if the guy who's wanted is only accessible by carnage. Want me to google him and see what comes up?" Todd shakes his head. It wasn't google. It was google, well, google style, and similar layout, but google if you could access everything. It appears to a normal person you can. But google upgraded. As Amanda quoted from herself once, 'Everyone who is not a hacker can only turn the pages. A hacker can watch the whole _season._ ' She did google with no boundaries, no restrictions. He wasn't even sure if that quote made sense, but whatever, he got the meaning of it. 

"Besides, I don't think I can do it." "Wait, what?" Amanda put a hand to her chest in an exaggerated heart-felt manner. "Dude, if I get an attack in there, that is going to fuck everything sideways. If I am in the comfort of our home, however...." 

"Amanda-"

"I also have access to my pills here too, perhaps-"

"I am not dating a guy who by the way, I have no idea who he is! That's....weird!"

"Oh, so I can? Or in this case, have to? Look, I'll do the research. And what if he's cute. You never know!" 

"Oh my god..." He slumped down completely. "Riggins called him a client, Amanda. I'm taking a shot in the dark here but when BlackWing uses 'client' ninety nine point eight percent of the time he means an experiment or something." Amanda blows a raspberry and falls onto her armchair, crossing her arms. "It's up to you, bro. Ten thousand." Then she sat back up and kicked him in the shin. "Get up and get out! I got research on this...Svlad....celjelli...guy." And then closed the door in his face. 

 

 

 


End file.
